Susan David, PhD and Emotional Agility

February 5, 2021 By Ashley Davis

Susan Davis, PhD is a psychologist at Harvard Medical School and researches emotional agility. I have included her TED talk that is described below:

“Psychologist Susan David, PHD shares how the way we deal with our emotions shapes everything that matters: our actions, careers, relationships, health and happiness. In this deeply moving, humorous and potentially life-changing talk, she challenges a culture that prizes positivity over emotional truth and discusses the powerful strategies of emotional agility.”

I am sharing this Ted Talk with Susan Davis, PhD from 2017. She discusses emotional agility, and how emotions are seen, and how the constructed narrative around emotions within our society is problematic.

“Emotional Agility is the ability to be with your emotions, with curiosity, compassion, and especially the courage to take values-connected steps.”

Based on a survey she found that “A third of us, a third either judge ourself for having bio called bad emotions… like sadness, anger or even grief or actively try to push aside these feelings….we may inadvertently shame the, jump to a solution, and fail to help them to see these emotions as inherently valuable.”

The way emotions are viewed as problematic and often, emotional positivity is supported when all of this promotes a rigidity of emotions. She also discusses how the more we ignore emotions, the more difficult it becomes for people, to the point that emotions control us. I like what she says, “But when we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity, we lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is, not as we wish it to be.” Often times clients work so hard in my office to keep themselves from crying, from getting angry, and sometimes just to feel anything at all. She then said, “you have dead people’s goals.” This is so true and I find myself having to help clients learn how to live, to become alive with emotions, feelings, and experiences.

I also recently heard a podcast, Terrible, Thanks for Asking with Nora McInerny titled, What’s Negative About Positivity? She interviews Dr. David in this podcast. She does an excellent job describing how to separation emotions with who we are, and how the power of feeling makes us feel alive. She also has written a book and her website outlines four concepts of emotional agility. It includes:

In EMOTIONAL AGILITY, Dr. David shares four key concepts:

Showing Up: Instead of ignoring difficult thoughts and emotions or overemphasizing ‘positive thinking’, facing into your thoughts, emotions and behaviors willingly, with curiosity and kindness.

Stepping Out: Detaching from, and observing your thoughts and emotions to see them for what they are—just thoughts, just emotions. Essentially, learning to see yourself as the chessboard, filled with possibilities, rather than as any one piece on the board, confined to certain preordained moves.

Walking Your Why: Your core values provide the compass that keeps you moving in the right direction. Rather than being abstract ideas, these values are the true path to willpower, resilience and effectiveness.

Moving On: Small deliberate tweaks to your mindset, motivation, and habits – in ways that are infused with your values, can make a powerful difference in your life. The idea is to find the balance between challenge and competence, so that you’re neither complacent nor overwhelmed. You’re excited, enthusiastic, invigorated (Source https://www.susandavid.com/about-emotional-agility#about-the-book).