Mating in Captivity – Esther Perel

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel is a fantastic book. I recommend both of her books and podcasts focused on couples and work. She writes:

“My belief, reinforced by 20 years of practice, is that in the course of establishing security, many couples confuse love and merging. This mix-up is a bad omen for sex. To sustain and Elon toward the other, there must be a synapse to cross. Eroticism requires separateness. In other words, eroticism thrives in the space between the self and the other. In order to commune with the one we love, we must be able to tolerate this void and its pall of uncertainties” (p. xv).

I have included links below to her website, information on her books, podcasts and TED talks.


Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity


TED Talks

Rethinking Infidelity

The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship